Your father, your boss, your brother, or any random person walking down the street with a  happy, mischievous smile on their face, could all be clients I see as a Dominatrix. 

The youngest client I’ve seen is 18 and the oldest 75. I don’t discriminate against anyone based on age (as long as you’re of legal age), gender, ethnicity, religious or sexual orientation. 

My clients share some commonalities, they are all open minded to a certain degree and have a desire to give up control. Other than that, there’s such a wide variety of kinks and levels of execution of these that no person ever wants exactly the same thing in the same way.  

In many cases their particular kink can be traced back to early childhood memories. Some have explored their desires early on, while others have had it lingering at the back of their mind for years, sometimes decades. 

I often see men in high stress positions used to having lots of responsibility. Such as CEOs, lawyers, bankers and military personnel. To use an example, it highly excites me to dress up big strong men as sissies and offer them space and freedom to play and lose themselves under my control.

I see about as many single clients as those that are married or in relationships. I absolutely love it when they have discussed seeing me with their partner, or even having their partner suggest they book me. However, I do see men who choose not to tell their partner of our session for a variety of reasons. Perhaps their kink is a part of them they like to keep to themselves or sadly sometimes out of fear of being ridiculed. 

Often, my client gets a much needed release from sessioning with me. Witnessing how much lighter and glowing someone looks when they emerge from the shower after a session warms my heart and spirit. 

I encourage both new and seasoned players to session with me. I see a balanced proportion of regular and new clients. I love them both in different ways. 

It’s very exciting for me to grow a long term domme/sub relationship, where we both feel confident in exploring deeper and pushing our boundaries further. My creativity flows freely when planning and conducting sessions with slaves I’ve seen countless times. I deeply appreciate my regulars, some who have been with me since I was a baby domme seven years ago who have witnessed me grow into myself as a woman and Dominatrix.

A brand new client, even one completely new to BDSM in its entirety can be a clean slate for me to play and explore what makes them tick and what’s left tested and tried never to be done again. Sometimes, a new client has specific kink(s) they’ve researched and/or played with on their own or with a partner that they want to delve deeper into with a professional. 

What comes as a surprise to people outside of my profession, is that I see many guys in their early twenties. And to my pleasant surprise, they have demonstrated the most excellent communication skills. A random text from a random dude saying “Hey bby, avail?” has mostly come from men over thirty. (Yes, I sometimes follow up on these texts out of curiosity and ask for age, name and desired session content). Thankfully, I see less of these texts and more well written session requests from all age groups these days.

Most times, I cringe when guys describe themselves as tall, fit and good looking. I then expect someone full of themselves with a proclivity to top from the bottom. However, I’ve been pleasantly surprised by having someone with such a description surrendering all control and being genuinely pleasant to be around. Always expect the unexpected. 

One thing that’s expected and true is that most of my clients are men. On rare occasions I’ve seen couples. I absolutely love introducing and teaching couples how to implement BDSM into their sexlife in a safe and fun manner. To partake in their experience is an exciting honor to me and something I wish I was invited to more often.

Preparation 

Never undermine the power of preparation. Preparation is essential to create an optimal session for both parties. Before even contacting a Dominatrix, the client should read Her profile and website to see if they are a match. If the Dominatrix feels like their interests align and She wishes to take them on as a new client, the next step is to prepare for the session itself. 

In my case, when the session is scheduled, I prepare the space and tools that may be implemented for the particular session. I create an outline for the content, which can change if I feel it’s better to do things in a different order or include other elements. Before the client arrives, I shower, shave, moisturize, apply makeup and put on the outfit and heels I deem suitable for the occasion. Finally, I meditate to clear my head before the client arrives. 

I carefully prepare the session and my attire, and expect you to arrive prepared as well. Bring the donation in cash. Hand it over when we sit down to have a brief introductory chat. Tell me about any ailments or things I need to be aware of in regards to your current state of physical and mental being. Take a shower when I tell you to before the session. Wash yourself properly with the soap provided, everywhere. Especially your armpits, genitals and ass. Use the deodorant and mouthwash. They are not decor. Use them! Cleanliness is holiness. I can hear it if you turn the shower on for a couple of seconds only. Worse yet, I can smell it. I do not want to smell your mouth, armpits, dick or ass. If anal play or strap-on play is part of the session, make sure your ass is clean by using an anal douche before the session. 

Boundaries

Setting clear boundaries is extremely important in a Dominant/submissive relationship. 

Safe words(s) are important tools for the submissive to use when the Dominatrix is approaching their limits. 

Clearly communicate what the nature of your Domme/sub session and relationship involves and what is not a part of it. 

Balance 

Knowing when to be stern and when to be more flexible can be difficult to get right in the beginning of getting to know a new client. Once trust is established and the session dynamic explored, it is easier to feel into what times a hard approach is appropriate and when a more gentle approach is needed. 

Switching between being gentle and hard at the right times becomes like a dance once the session unfolds. The only way to find out is to bring 100% focus to the session, trust your gut and pay attention to the submissive’s state at all times. 

Uniqueness

No two clients or sessions will ever be the same. Each relationship between a Domme and a sub is unique, with its own dynamic and boundaries. There is no one-size-fits-all template to a perfect session. Attunement to the client, session content and space is essential to a successful session. 

Aftercare

Acknowledge that some time and care is usually required to transition from a session to life outside the cocoon of BDSM for both parties. The perfect formula for this can be different for each Domme and sub. Drinking water and having a warm shower is an easy and effective way to transition from subspace back to regular life. I like doing a post-session check-in and reflection, where the submissive is given space to discuss what the session felt like and what was good and bad.  

Personally, I drink water and have a particular meditation I do after the client exits. Then, I remove any generated garbage and carefully clean all the equipment thoroughly before taking a long hot shower. 

In summary, after 5 years working as a Dominatrix, preparation, boundaries, balance, uniqueness and aftercare are 5 aspects I find particularly important to my profession of choice.

My first memory of being dominant is from when I was six years old and instructed a group of local boys to build a treehouse for me. I told them what pieces of wood to use and what I wanted it to look like. If they were being lazy, I yelled at them to keep working and threatened to hit them with a tree branch if they disobeyed. It came naturally to me. 

My second BDSM related memory is from when I was thirteen, when my girlfriend and I hung out by the gas station and an older guy asked us to take our shoes and socks off and play with our feet. He offered us $30 to do so. We thought he was a total creep and ran away. Even though we discarded his offer, the fact that my feet could be profitable stuck to the back of mind.  

My third memory also involves foot fetish. I was fifteen and a rumor spread that a dude in the other class texted girls on messenger asking to buy their used socks. I did not believe it until he asked me himself. I still did not believe him and made him confirm in person he was the one sending the messages. When he did, he also asked if I could tie him to a tree in the forest and leave him there overnight. I thought he was crazy. 

Fast forward ten years, and I'm living in San Francisco being introduced to the Armory and a group of kinksters. I feel like I entered this magical world I always dreamed existed. The energy, the toys, the people, the power exchanges. It felt like a homecoming. 

With this post, I wish to inspire you to look within yourself and reflect on your first BDSM related memories. In this journey of life, it can be valuable to go back to the origins of whatever fantasies we are currently preoccupied with and embrace these first sparks of interest. 

Sexual energy, libido, lust, desire, passion, eroticism, a powerful force with many names. This inborn power enlivens and invigorates us. The stronger our passion is, the more it assists us in being vital and present with life. 

The strength of our libido can make us more creative and inspired. Flowing through life seems less challenged when we are infused with the energetic force of desire.

Both lack of, longing for, and experiences of playing in the realm of lust inspires great works of art. Paintings, poetry, movies, plays and music are full of words and imagery inspired by eroticism.

Sometimes, our sexual energy lacks an appropriate outlet, and the force gets bottled up inside. This may cause anger, aggression and dissatisfaction with life and sexuality.

This is where I come in, providing a safe space to get back in touch with your libido. When we are together, and even before we meet in the flesh, I encourage you to explore your sexuality. I invite you into my playground, where you are free to embrace all aspects of yourself. Trust me to ignite your passion, and send you back into the world infused with at least a little more lust for life.

Why on Earth is the midpoint of a pandemic a good time to see a sex worker? 

First, we are already extremely careful about hygiene and sanitization of our workspace. The pending threat of disease makes us even more cautious, so rest assured, you're most likely stepping into one of the last places a virus would survive.

Second, the public fear has made some clients cancel their bookings and others think twice about making one. As a result those who decide to see us will really make our day and be shown how much we value them as a client.

Third, in a time of gloom, you are much better suited to deal with whatever life throws at you when you're happy. That's where we come in. Sex and physical touch are directly related to happiness. Some may even go as far as saying sex is the key to happiness and good health. 

Now, I highly encourage you to visit your local sex worker, gain some valuable sanitization tips, share some laughs and protected intimacy and leave with a smile on your face. If anything, it should prepare you to more easily slide through what may become a time of even greater despair.

My heart beat faster as I surrendered to his touch. I released all desire to resist as he put cuffs around my wrists and locked my arms together behind my back. I willingly let him take control over me, the untamable one.

A fresh awareness of body and breath arose as I was liberated from performing. He gently threw me down on the couch face down. His soft, yet firm hands caressed my butt before he spanked me once on each cheek. Is that all you got? The moment it slipped out of me, I both regretted saying such and felt an extreme excitement for what came next. He slapped my right buttcheek so hard it gave off a perfect spanking sound. The arousing pain stripped my mind from thoughts as my body became all sensation. 

I quickly snapped out of it as my perfectionist self came back to hold the reigns of my brain. How was it that this newbie gave off a better spanking sound on my ass than I do on others? Perhaps my booty just give off a good sound? Dammit, just as easy as I lost control, my mind was ready to take it back. I told my first dominant to release me, and that I had enough for the first time. Inside, I craved for more. 

The exhilaration I felt from releasing control infused me with new excitement for life and work. Now, I know what it’s like not to think or plan or hold space. Unaware of what will happen next. Aware only of sensations. Outside the mind, in the field of the body, where pleasure and pain become one.